Summary:
1. pride gets in the way of forgiveness. For the love of God, let's not get pride get in the way.
2. when we hold grudges, we end of hurting ourselves and others and we just stew in our own mess for eternity
When Someone You Love Has Hurt You
By Cindy Thomas
It happens far too often. Words can deal a fatal blow to a relationship. People say mean and hurtful things, sometimes intentionally, to hurt the person they love the most. Once the words are out, it's impossible to take them back. The pain and hurt is usually entirely too clear in the eyes of the person who was hurt.
Hurting words can come from spouses, best friends, coworkers, siblings, parents, etc. No matter who it is that hurts us, the fact is words can sting with a vengeance. Rather than hold on to something that's done and can't be changed, if we choose to let it go, chances are the relationship will heal and flourish.
Sometimes the hurt is so deep and remains embedded deeply within the heart of the person who was hurt, and they walk away from the relationship. Too often pride stands in between the person who did the hurting and the person who was hurt. Instead of trying to make amends and healing the relationship, pride takes over on both sides, and a once loving relationship is nothing but a memory. It doesn't have to be that way.
When someone has hurt us, it's all too easy to just throw our hands up and walk away from it all. That's the easy way out, but it's also the losing way. You and the person that hurt you both lose out because you lose each other. But if we stop and ask ourselves why the person said hurtful things to us to start with, it could help the situation immensely.
Sometimes, though not always, a person will say something that hurts because they are stressed out or going through really rough times. They use us as bouncing board, someone to vent their frustrations out. But rather than vent what's really going on, the stress comes out as hurtful words to us.
No doubt we have all done this to someone we love and had it done to us. The difference is in how we handle it. Do we choose to see the hurtful words for what they most likely are, stress and frustration at something in life, or do we take it personal (which it probably isn't at all) and get angry and upset and just walk away.
If we walk away, we lose out on a wonderful relationship. Just because someone gets upset and stressed and says something that hurts us is not a reason to end a relationship, but sadly that's what happens too often.
We can choose to leave the past in the past, knowing that the past can't be changed or undone, and put our pride on the back shelf, and we can start fresh. To do this, it's vital that a person understand that we all make mistakes and that no matter what someone has said or done, they simply cannot change the past. No amount of regret will undo something that was done or said. If we choose to hold onto a past hurt, we are the ones that are hurting ourselves. The person who said something or did something that hurt us is not hurting us.
When we choose to hold onto hurt, we took over the role as the one doing the hurting. When we choose to allow pride to keep us from reaching out to the other party, we are the one who is hurting ourself. We don't have to let the past, that cannot be changed, to rule our present.
Sometimes a person has a hard time letting go and starting over because it seems that letting something go would somehow diminish the hurt that was said or done. But letting go of the past and beginning again isn't diminishing anything nor taking away the fact that hurt was caused. It simply is forgiving, moving on, and living and loving again. To hold onto the hurt is to deprive yourself and someone else of a beautiful relationship.
Hurtful words can cut deep. But the deepest cut isn't really the hurtful words at all, but rather the lost relationship and love if the two parties involved don't put the past to rest and begin fresh.
Copyright Cindy Thomas
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